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Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'.
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So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped. The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!! One day, there were two boys playing by a stream.
One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream.
All of a sudden, the second boy took off running.
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The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran.
There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it.
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Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week.
The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her.
This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan.
Still he signs up.
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The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine! A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself. That night the two were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position.
Today's spread: a. Famous fucktwats trying to cope with lack of attention b. Historical tone deaf unawareness c.
Whatever final form Madonna has decided to mutate into. In other words - Three things to make your quarantine just a little bit worse. This feat of pure sphincter talent took years of blood, sweat and tears all culminating to this moment. Captured on webcam and entered into the historical archives for your enjoyment. It's that time of year again.
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The mentally ill adopted daughter of billionaire Steven Spielberg wants to be financially independent. So, what does any strong empowered independent female do in ?
Make an onlyfans account.
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An all-minority female cast ultimately leading to me losing faith in life itself? You can go ahead and file this under The Ghostbusters Reboot of Porn. And Bill Murray can't save you this time. A caffeine addicted, amateur paranormal scientist returns home after an experiment to make contact with beings outside of earth has presumably failed. Say hello to your new idol. This particular desperate housewife is a prime example of why you should always FYD.
First time I've seen a wife rental video where the girl and her hired gun are left more humiliated than the husband.
That's it man. As far as I'm concerned vegans have officially jumped the plant-based shark. It's been 14 years of Efukt, so trust me when I say I know talent when I see it.
Meet siswet. A girl that has cultivated a million Chaturbate followers by using her asshole to inhale anything without a birth certificate. I'm talking the Kirby of butt stuff and there's no fucking end in sight. And it's not even behind the dumpster at a Floridian Denny's. Here it is. Round 2 in what is arguably the most offensive thing you can do in public besides mothershipping the handicap stall at Baskin Robbins.
But unlike those shit gremlins - these titans of societal norms actually film the entire thing. Guys coming up short, Increasing Japan's tourism, Why not to go organic, Offending white college students and Incredible acts of self-reliance. This compilation covers more bases than Harvey Weinstein during a 3-day trip to the Bahamas.
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A girl with 2 first names doing trailer park things and the footage coming back to bite her in the cornhole. Around these parts we call this phenomenon "Monday Afternoon". But for Mary Beth Haglin, she's gonna need another 90 days to think about a sequel lol. The result is a crash course on Plan-B and why IQ tests need to be mandatory in porn.
Classic case of overconfidence. If only she put as much research into this man's business model as she did into Instagram "fix my tits" filters, then maybe all of this could have been avoided.